Science Paper BooBoos

mette · Post by **mette** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 7:51 am

Some more internet fun:

These are actual quotes from submissions to science teachers

"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"
"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
"The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."
"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
"Liter: A nest of young puppies."
"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
"Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."
"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration."
"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
"For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."
"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."
"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

the cat · Post by **the cat** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 1:27 pm

Mette those are so funny, I can't stop

.

ann3120 · Post by **ann3120** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:30 pm

Those are SO funny - my husband's on his way to the store right now
to get me some more Depends

I was going to mention one or two as being my favourites - like the one about the skeleton,
and pulling your eye down over your nose - but there are so many I might as well quote them all.

Hope you don't have too many more like that - we live a lo-o-n-ng way from the store
and can't afford to go too often

the cat · Post by **the cat** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:35 pm

Ann you have to do like I do,
Go to Costco or Sams Club and but them by the case.

Save money that way.

OR We could just stop laughing. NA not us.

Lillian · Post by **Lillian** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:39 pm

Great stuff Mette - some of these are really funny

Girls who are running out of Depends (not called that in the UK we call them hammocks

) - try nappies - they soak up more liquid. Or failing that - keep your PC in the loo

ann3120 · Post by **ann3120** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:43 pm

Lillian wrote:Or failing that - keep your PC in the loo

Thanks a lot, Lillian - that just made it worse

Lillian · Post by **Lillian** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:53 pm

I'm so glad you kept your brilliant sense of English humour Annie - we are all nutters and so love toilet humour! Bet you miss the old "Carry On" films! Ooooooh Matron!

ann3120 · Post by **ann3120** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 9:17 pm

? ? ? ? ? "Carry On" films ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

I don't think they'd even invented turning books into films when I READ the books

All this modern technology - now, nappies I remember, and they weren't these new fangled throw away things either.
You washed 'em and dried 'em and wore 'em again. Actually, Mum did the washing and drying and I did the wearing.

Hard to find "nappies" in the US. It's a bit like Smarties
I love telling kids in England that American kids don't have them, and then reversing the story over here
note that I haven't used the American equivalents, we'll let the US crowd work it out for themselves

Now "hammocks"

I sleep in mine, and there's plenty of room for the cat too.
Bet you can't do that in yours, can you

(or can you ! ! ! ! ! ! )

Lillian · Post by **Lillian** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 9:53 pm

You are so funny Missy!!!!!!! I don't really do hammocks in a depends way. I use my hammocks like a catapult to belt Stan over the head when he is too drunk!

SharonM · Post by **SharonM** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 10:00 pm

You all are tooooo much!!!!

Mette, those are hilarious!

What are they teaching the kids now days?

Lillian, I crack up everytime I picture you trying to wear a hammock

or smacking Stan with it!

In case you didn't know, over here a hammock is the thing you string between two trees to sleep in.

Lillian · Post by **Lillian** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 10:08 pm

I did know that Shazza - it's the same over here too

We just have another silly slang term for the word hammock (I say "we" - probaly just me and my mates!). Ignore me - I might go away and stop talking rubbish if your lucky

It's just that "Mad Annie" - she cracks me up

ann3120 · Post by **ann3120** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 10:55 pm

Mad Annie Who's that

Don't you mean Mad Mo ! ! ! ! ! !

the cat · Post by **the cat** » Sun Sep 04, 2005 1:21 am

Oh Sharen I think she is talking about the danish sport thingy, a keepsumfromfloppen. Good weapon.

laura n. · Post by **laura n.** » Sun Sep 04, 2005 1:53 am

Mette, those were sooo funny, I started laughing at the first on & by the time I got to the end I was crying, from laughing so hard.
I'm not sure where you find all this material to share, but please don't stop.

Andrea · Post by **Andrea** » Sun Sep 04, 2005 4:27 am

As some of you may know, I happen to be a Biology teacher. Therefore, some of those statements were not too far off from things I've actually heard or read from students.

I was laughing so hard. I read some of them to my husband and he didn't seem to find them quite as funny as I did. He called me a science geek. Yup, and PROUD of it!

Thanks for the chuckles Mette.

SharonM · Post by **SharonM** » Sun Sep 04, 2005 5:17 am

Oh you mean a double barreled slingshot, Cathy?

I thought maybe it was one of those words that mean different things in America and England.

My husband has one (hammock) that I made for him. I could just see you trying to wear that, Lillian. It cracked me up!

Andrea, I wish you lived closer. My son failed Biology last year, mainly because he lost interest. Bet you could keep his attention.

laura n. · Post by **laura n.** » Sun Sep 04, 2005 2:48 pm

Andrea wrote: I was laughing so hard. I read some of them to my husband and he didn't seem to find them quite as funny as I did. He called me a science geek. Yup, and PROUD of it!

Andrea tell your hubby you don't have to be a science geek, to find this funny. I'm about the furthest thing from a science geek & I laughed until I cried.

BTW glad to see you back, & congrats on your new home.

SharonM · Post by **SharonM** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 1:28 am

Mette, I hope you don't mind, but I copied the Science Answers list and printed it out to take to work. They all thought it was hilarious!

mette · Post by **mette** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 9:51 am

Hi Sharon,

Of course I don't mind

I'm all for people having a good laugh

Besides I found it somewhere on the internet to begin with, so it isn't really mine anyway

Mette

Davimad · Post by **Davimad** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 1:16 pm

Thanks for the laugh Mette, there was some real beezers in that list.

Lilo, methinks you are talkin' about the old Dr. Whites eh?

We used to call them 'mice hammocks'.

A comparison to Depends over here would be Tena, from lady to super extra. Take your pick girls.

Just thought it was time for me to pop in when I heard my name being called.

ann3120 · Post by **ann3120** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 1:40 pm

Davimad wrote:Lilo, methinks you are talkin' about the old Dr. Whites eh? We used to call them 'mice hammocks'.

Oh ! ! ! ! Is that what we're talking about

My father said he thought they were Smog Masks

SharonM · Post by **SharonM** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 1:43 pm

OMGosh, Ann. That's so funny!

Davimad · Post by **Davimad** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 1:52 pm

Of course your father was right Annie, what else could those loops have been for if not the ears?

ann3120 · Post by **ann3120** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 4:20 pm

. . . . . . and that's exactly how he wore it.

You'd have to know my father - he was the epitome of the classic London banker.
Bowler hat, furled umbrella, briefcase and the London Times - and very, very serious.
His keen sense of humour was rarely seen.

Mum and I were having breakfast one morning and in he walked, ready to go work,
with the extra item that he considered necessary that day.

You can imagine our shock

Superterv · Post by **Superterv** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 4:49 pm

The mind boggles Annie, Oh how I wish you had a picture My imagination is running riot