Headlines:
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery, Hundreds Dead!
Panda Mating Fails, Vet Takes Over [He must be a nice guy!]
Is There A Ring of Debris Around Uranus? [Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
Cold Wave Links to Temperature [Who would have thought!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say [It can't be!]
Include Your Children While Baking Cookies
Teacher Strike Idles Kids
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [He probably IS the
battery charge!]
New Study Of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!]
War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death [No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While [You think?]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?]
Headlines For The Year 2029:
Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines
Hope you haven't split your sides - I have!
-HW
