The Wonderland Board

Hey, it's been a while... I was completely silent during these past few months - not just on the forums, but especially Discord since I was off there for a month and a half. Let me explain, in detail mind you: Ever since the end of August, I was driven away from Discord and other forms of social networking, and gradually transitioning to going solo. As in, off the grid when it comes to that matter.

I was looking back at the many moments, even recent times, where a fraction of the circles I follow got offended at me. But really, I have no idea it was a bad thing to do. At times like that, I wanted to be a fun and entertaining person, but instead people bark at me, put them on my ignore list, or ban me from their server (I was kicked out of a server last April because of that). That, or I just quit myself knowing how bitter most members can be. Similar scenario occurred when I quit Epigam, Epicord, or wherever they've settled at. I remember being abused and cyberbullied by a few people there. It appears a wide, wide majority of people (Not just in Epicord but everywhere else) don't care much about my ideas, nor my handicap, nowadays. Of course you can say that was several years ago, but later on when I quit Epicord, I doubt much has changed.

But that's not just the reason why I'm going off this grid... In my perception, the internet's forms of media I keep running into has become repulsive to look at. It makes me question society, and why people go out of their way to express plain rubbish. I know people are just doing it to have fun, but it's either too much fun that it ceases to become it, and actually annoying to me. It's also coming to the point where it's aging badly for me. Some of said content I keep seeing on Discord, but also when I'm surfing the internet and out of nowhere I get disgusted by a video or a picture I disapprove and would believe shouldn't be appropriate to be for out in the open. The other social media sites I use as examples are DeviantArt and Youtube - Both sites I will stop adding to, and those are some of the terrible communities I've seen. I could keep rambling on how the internet annoys be every day, but I'd rather not.

However... Thank you to the plenty of people who are reading this that still stick up for me. I understand you still like what I did on a regular basis, although hit or miss. But you people should know that I'm a nice person and have no intention of wreaking havoc. I was learning from these mistakes, and people shouldn't permanently eject me out of their communities like that. But the internet is a dangerous place. There is a majority of people, as I said, are careless. And yes I'll try giving Wonderland Mobile a go a while after it releases.

It was a really weird 12 years with the community and others. And I'm doing this for my own self-respect. These bad thoughts can constantly linger around my mind, and it's really bad for my mental health.

Goodbye.

I respect your decision. There's a lot of toxicity out there and it's good you're doing what you need to for your health. That's what matters most. Please take care and stay safe.

Depiction of my feelings from these last two months (my negligence refused)

Well, looks like I decided to hop back here after two months. The only problem blocking me away from the grid was people displeased of my work this whole time, thus damaging my self respect since it partially relies on friendship, so I've discovered. I feel like not all people like the few of you in this community and others care well and are not as intense as others.

It appears I just needed some down time considering every mentally painful moment going on this year, coupled with Covid issues as well. And within the past month, I slowly crawled back to these circles. I was livestreaming recently too. However, I was taking it easy this time around. I'm going to be easing along from here on because I felt like I was over-excited online at times, thus having something go wrong whenever I post a meme or something.

As for Discord, first I was going to put off Discord for good. Unless if I have a really good reason to be on there, I left it alone. However, I'm going to come back around to using it a bit more freely like I did prior. Just I will be more quiet than usual.

Even though I only had one reply from Wonderman, whom I appreciate for replying, and the rest of the activity of the community coming from Discord, I appreciate everybody here who still cares about me. And I will return to the Discord eventually - whenever I'm ready.

Make sure you stay safe. Our door's always open for you.

Something I have learned is that most people in online communities tend to forget that there are actual human beings behind the avatars and pseudonyms we put up. As a result, the environment is much more prone to be negative for our mental health, especially if we become attached to said communities.

Take your time and do what's best for your mental health. Listening to your needs is the most important thing you can do especially as those needs change, because at the end of the day the only person always there for you will be yourself.